Friday, January 16, 2015

Learning so much

Over the past week I am devouring books.  For years I convinced myself that I was too busy to read, but guess what...I am not.  An extra 30 minutes at night, sitting in the carpool line, while holding my daughter...I have plenty of time to read.  In this past week I have read almost 300 pages...and an intense 300 pages.  I have gained so much wisdom on adoption and hurting children from professionals and those who walk before me.  I am seeing God's perfect hand writing our new family story.  It is intense at times but also beautiful.  

I wanted to share an excerpt from Three Mustard Seeds.

Since the beginning of her placement with us things were rocky.  We were on this roller coaster ride where the drops were getting bigger, deeper and the peaks hardly raised up anymore.  The roller coaster left the sunlight behind and we were riding this out of control car in the pitch black.  Gone were the days of dirty looks and stubbornness, oh how we missed those, and we were presently living in a state where urinateing throughout the house was the normal, days where she stopped eating on her own and when we tried to feed her she would open her mouth and let all the food fall into her lap or the floor.  There were days when she would not leave her room or acknowledge the existence of our family.  You see, she was not saying "I hate you, leave me alone".  She was saying, "no one has ever loved me or stuck with me so this time instead of being take away I am leaving on my terms.  I am the one that will make things so hard on you that you push me out the door in my timing."  She had worked hard for weeks and knew she was finally wearing us down.  One morning she laid in bed naked, having refused to put on pajamas the night before.  Her bed was soaked from one side to the other with urine.  She strategically faced herself away from the door to be sure she could not accidentally have eye contact with anyone.  I walked in her room sitting down quietly in her rocking chair.  No response.  I went in again and sat in the rocking chair.  This time I spoke. No response.  A third time, I crawled in bed with her, came face to face.  For a moment she just laid there with her eyes downcast and then she made the decision to look up and smile. She came back around.  God showed me where to meet her at her darkest hour.  He knew exactly where she needed to be met because she is a beautiful, precious child of His.  God is ready and waiting to meet us in our darkest hour.  He is there lying with you in your urinated bed. He is there with you after your weeks and weeks of bad behavior.  All you need to do is look upon Him.

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