Monday, October 13, 2014

International Adoption Clinic Day

Today we spent 5 hours at the International Adoption Clinic. It was incredibly educational and I am so glad we attended. There were a few things they emphasized for us to share with friends and family.  They have spent years studying and working with internationally adopted children and their families, so their advice is very valuable to the health of our family!

1) Karis needs to have her needs met by ONLY Preston and I.  Do not give her a drink of water, a napkin, ANYTHING!  Do not ask if you can give her something...the answer is NO.

2) Karis needs to show affection to Preston and I.  It is not healthy for her to hug and wave at everyone.  It is not cute and friendly. She has "indiscriminate affection" and needs to learn that every stranger will not provide her needs and show her love the ways her parents will. If she is given affection by everyone her attachment will take much longer or may never develop fully. 

3) If she reaches for a hug, give her one high-five and be done....physically turn your body away from her.  If she gets your attention (which she should not) and asks for more turn to Preston and I.  Tell her to give hugs to her mommy or daddy.  If she blows kisses at you, follow the same procedure as above.

4) Show 99.9% of your attention to the biological children.  They are going through lots of changes too and need reassurance.  This also allows Preston and I to do the focusing we need to on Karis.

5) If a biological child, in our case only Logan, shares their feelings or examples of behavior in the home.  Just LISTEN.  Do Not try to correct him for his feelings. Be glad he has felt comfortable enough with you to open up.

These rules apply to EVERYONE.  If neccessary we will limit our time spent outside of the home until bonding is occurring appropriately....which is going to take a long time.

Thank you for helping us during this time of transition.

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